How I Secretly Taped the Office Hyena

About 15 years ago, I was miserably working in an office cubicle for a pretty large family business. Out of pity, they employed a hard-drinking, loud-laughing lady who sat at the front desk to greet people and answer phones. She had this gravelly laugh that bounced off the ceilings, walls, and my ears all day long, day after day.

Growing up, I always wanted to go on an African safari. Luckily for me, even though I worked in a cubicle world, I would get a small taste of that adventurous lifestyle for eight hours every day, five days a week.

I got to experience the haunting sounds of a hyena all day, but for free! Office Hyena reacts to any situation — stressful, humorous, mundane — with a wild cackle. It is the sound I think you hear when you go completely insane. It is the sound of death approaching.

What made it worse is that this lady would say insulting or offensive things to people but would get a pass for them because others thought she was generally not that smart. But I knew that she knew exactly what she was doing, passively sniping me from behind the protection of her hyena desk. It was just so maddening that whenever you spoke to her, no matter the topic, she just began to laugh like a hyena in response.

“Peggy, the toner in the printer seems to be gone, can you remind me where-”

“HUHAHHHAHAHUHAUHAHAHAHAH Oh so you can’t find the toner huh? HUHAHAHAHAHAHA”

So, at the very sure risk of being immediately fired, I placed my video camera in a FedEx box and put it near the hyena’s desk to film a documentary on this creature. I let it record for about two hours, saying to her “Don’t touch this package please — someone is coming for it.”

Here is the result, which I converted to audio and edited down to the pure Office Hyena. So close your eyes, picture the African savannah, or maybe an office building, and enjoy.

Trump is a Loser and So Are His Supporters

Trump, the Republicans in Congress, and all of their supporters are losers. At this point, the loathsome scum who tried to steal the 2020 election while serving as president, Donald Trump, has lost 24 out of 25 of his legal challenges because he has been laughed out of court or his lawyers have been unwilling to put their licenses on the line. 

The many losers in the GOP who have chosen to still support him, including Lindsey Graham, who appears to have committed a felony by trying to get legal votes thrown out of Georgia, have proven that they are traitors to the very end. They are allowing Americans to die every day by denying the existence of this deadly pandemic, they are allowing Americans to die every day by enabling Trump to not move forward in the transition to President Biden, and these murderous motherfuckers won’t even wear masks in the Senate chamber, putting many staffers at risk on a daily basis. My wonderful Senator Sherrod Brown spoke about it here.

I learned to stop hating our Republican leaders a couple years ago because I realize that they’re only reflecting the support of their constituents.

Which means I have shifted my hatred to my fellow American citizens.

I know that unity is the goal, but I don’t want to unify with lying stupid traitors who don’t care about the deaths of Americans. People who are such losers that they deny that COVID-19 even exists, shouting at the nurses that it isn’t real as they literally die.

Losers.

Losers who are screwing it up for the rest of us, and I can’t wait till we ignore them into obscurity like we did during the Obama years. Or will we even be successful at that?

Will we ever be able to tamp down the voices of insanity ever again?

I mean, Biden barely won. What is up with this place that I used to believe was better than any place else in the world?

It’s filled with shit-tons of losers. That’s what’s up

Hey Democrats: Shut Your Mouth and Do the Mission

If you walk around trashing the leadership of the company you work for, your ass is going to get fired.

If you piss and moan about your leaders while serving in the military, you will get drilled into the dirt or thrown into the brig.

To those who want Trump out of office: We are soldiers in a war.

Our mission is to defeat Trump and that will be done via the DNC choosing a candidate to run against him using a delegate process. That is the only process in place. That is the only path to victory.

Think of the DNC as our flawed General in the war we are fighting.

Troops, whether you like the candidate chosen by the delegate process and the DNC is irrelevant because you have a mission. Will you fulfill that mission? I fear that you will not.

There’s a very good chance that the candidate chosen by the DNC will be someone that I think will lose to Trump.

Will I still knock on doors for him or her? Yes.

Will I still make the calls and volunteer my time to help them beat Trump? Yes.

Will I be a good soldier? Yes.

Will I badmouth the leadership of the party I belong to and blame them for being corrupt? Will I blast my thoughts onto social media suggesting that the whole process is rigged, weakening the very foundations of our Democracy by spreading the propaganda that our elections don’t matter?

Or will I shut my fucking mouth and do the mission?

I’m going to shut my mouth and do the mission. To anybody around me who trashes the Democratic Party or trashes its leadership when their candidate doesn’t become the nominee – you are the whining pussy who will get us killed in battle.

Trump is a Traitor

After he laundered money for the Russian mob, paid off a bunch of porn stars, and raped a few girls on Jeffrey Epstein’s Rape Island, Donald Trump went on to repeatedly welcome attacks on our elections by foreign governments in order to win them. He is, quite simply, a fucking traitor.

It started when he demonstrated that he’s Putin’s Bitch (“Russia, if you’re listening”), it was reinforced during his interview with George Stephanopoulos when he said he would accept foreign help, and now it has been shoved in our faces like a giant turd with the Ukraine whistleblower story, where he admitted to the world that he sought dirt on his political opponent from a foreign power.

Traitor TrumpThe Mueller Report failed to establish an explicit conspiracy with the Kremlin, but any moron can see that when Trump’s son Fredo sought dirt from the Russians and when his campaign manager, who was working for free and in debt to Oleg Deripaska, passed polling data from the crucial swing states to an agent of the Kremlin, it was fucking treason.

When the #PussyAssBitch sided with murderer and autocrat Vladimir Putin over his own law enforcement and intelligence agencies in Helskinki, it was fucking treason.Putin’s Bitch

When this orange-faced reality show clown took Kim Jong Un’s word that he didn’t torture American hostage Otto Warmbier, it was fucking treason.

And finally, when this Adderall-sniffing shitgibbon asked the President of Ukraine EIGHT times to dig up dirt on his political rival in exchange for taxpayer money – our money allocated to defend against Russian aggression, it was fucking treason.

My definition of a traitor is a person who works against their own nation with the assistance of a foreign power. He meets that definition.

Fuck this traitor.

ASMR is Finally Cool

This is so worth the nine minutes.

I mocked ASMR in 2010 on my website and created a prank whisper video that ends with the music from Psycho and an image of Pennywise the clown. Then I started listening to ASMR videos (soft-spoken only, thank you) and still listen to them often. Everyone has called me a weirdo for loving ASMR for like, 8 years.

This video brings my love of ASMR and my hatred of Trump together in one hilarious bit from Bill Maher with help from Moby.

https://youtu.be/wPi2QcQVCuY