I’m Being Terrorized

Some incoherent, idiotic old man has been calling me.  Either he has been given a fake phone number by somebody who hit his car and calls himself “Patrick Stewart,” or he keeps dialing the wrong number and calling me instead of Patrick Stewart, one or the other.  Actually, when the old man spelled out the name on the paper it was P-A-T-R-I-C    S-T-E-W-A-R.

When I finally got him to read me the number he had written down (after 5 minutes of shouting), it turned out he was one digit off.  Then he went back into his rambling tirade about the incident again, so I finally hung up.  So he calls me back to confront me again a few minutes later, and when I again shouted that he was simply calling the wrong number if he would please let me explain it to him, he said that he called both numbers, and I answered both of them.  As I tried to explain how little sense that made, he said he was going to turn my number into to the police to make sure that I have car insurance on file, and hung up on me.

I can’t believe this guy is driving on our roads.  He can’t read, write, spell, dial a phone, speak, or listen in a normal fashion.  God help us all.

Whisper Videos Are My New Thing

I discovered an internet sensation on YouTube — whisper videos.

According to the Wikipedia entry for whispering, “Whispering has also become very popular on the video-sharing website YouTube, where a community of users has emerged, founded by YouTube user WhisperingLife, in which users upload videos of themselves whispering quietly, some with the intent to relax the listener, and others simply whispering about no particular topic. These whisper videos frequently forego the visual aspect of the video and focus only on the audio, using a picture as a backdrop, or pointing the camera at a nondescript or dark area.

“A popular sub-genre of whispering videos is the relaxation video, in which the whisperer uses guided relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation to lull the listener into relaxation, frequently with the intent to aid in sleep.”

Well, you know where this brings us, folks.  It brings us to my next prank – one that I am enacting on the poor, defenseless Whisper Video Community.  I created my own whisper video with some extra spice to keep the whisper fans on their toes and posted it out on YouTube with the title “Whisper Video” along with the suggestion to turn up the ole’ headphones.  So please check out my very own whisper video below and let’s hope that somebody falls for it and gets really pissed at me.

My Stupid Dog

I was mowing Tuesday and I decided to scrape out the underside of my mower to remove the old rotted clumps of grass.  I never expected that my stupid dog would want to eat it, so I left it piled on the driveway while I mowed the back yard.  Well, he ate a lot of it.

I got home from my brother’s later that night and my dog refused to stand.  When he did, he crumpled to the floor.  I forgot about the grass and got worried that he tore a ligament or something earlier in the day.  He refused to stand up…I stayed up late and was awake at 1AM when I noticed he had gotten up and walked over towards the front door.

What came out of his mouth looked like a combination of a football and a jellyfish.  Lots of vomiting followed, and today he is finally keeping down water.  Naturally there is nothing wrong with his leg.  This damn dog will eat anything.

The Amplifier Prank

My friend is storing his amplifier at my house.  He recently emailed me, asking me to take photos of it for him so he could sell it on Craigslist without driving over to my house to do it himself.  Hilarity ensued when he forwarded them without opening all of them up.

From: XXXXX <XXXX5@gmail.com>
Subject: por favor
To: “‘XXXXX'” <XXXX@att.net>
Date: Friday, January 15, 2010, 10:30 AM

Hey, if you find yourself bored and depressed, would you mind taking some thorough pictures of my amplifier and sending them to me?  I have someone on Craigslist interested in buying it.  See if there’s any blemishes or scuff marks on it, and highlight those.  I think there might be a small dent in the grill over the speakers.

The alternative is me coming over and taking the pictures, which works for me too.  If you don’t feel like doing it, don’t do it.